This is truly a brilliant poem, although it lacks fluidity and the message, I feel, is delivered in an incoherent fashion.
I read it thrice, and these are my thoughts on it, though I could be really off with the accuracy of my take on it —
"Tired of bleeding my ink for a purpose,
I wanted it to ooze something profane." — I relate so hard to this line. I have given up purpose, I let the moment, the emotional "bhava" take the rein. For how dare I control a flooding river, in a deluge, I drown the page.
Undressing mentally, is the only true way to write.
Unbottining moral virtues, outrage seems so real, especially in this pretentious outrage era of social media. "Costumes of certainity" term is so apt.
The society will love the truth sayer, as long as he is convinent. As soon as he strips them of their dearly held beliefs, they will start stoning him, mislabeling him etc..
My only suggestion would be, to try leaning more towards free verse. Sometimes you don't need to synthesize a sentence, just so it's last syllable rhymes. Don't sacrifice meaning & heart, at the altar of rhyme scheme.
Thank you for the kind read and your insightful remarks. I echo your inferences drawn as well. I have written extensively in freeverse and I want to impose restrictions to hone my technical aspects, that’s why grateful for your feedback regarding lack of fluidity.
This is truly a brilliant poem, although it lacks fluidity and the message, I feel, is delivered in an incoherent fashion.
I read it thrice, and these are my thoughts on it, though I could be really off with the accuracy of my take on it —
"Tired of bleeding my ink for a purpose,
I wanted it to ooze something profane." — I relate so hard to this line. I have given up purpose, I let the moment, the emotional "bhava" take the rein. For how dare I control a flooding river, in a deluge, I drown the page.
Undressing mentally, is the only true way to write.
Unbottining moral virtues, outrage seems so real, especially in this pretentious outrage era of social media. "Costumes of certainity" term is so apt.
The society will love the truth sayer, as long as he is convinent. As soon as he strips them of their dearly held beliefs, they will start stoning him, mislabeling him etc..
My only suggestion would be, to try leaning more towards free verse. Sometimes you don't need to synthesize a sentence, just so it's last syllable rhymes. Don't sacrifice meaning & heart, at the altar of rhyme scheme.
Thank you for the kind read and your insightful remarks. I echo your inferences drawn as well. I have written extensively in freeverse and I want to impose restrictions to hone my technical aspects, that’s why grateful for your feedback regarding lack of fluidity.